Employer Columnist (April 2009)

Finding passion and leading by example

• Leadership in the workplace
• Communications in the workplace
• Human Relations in the workplace
• Teamwork in the workplace

Which is all great and fine, except that these are all broken down segments of what we call LOVE. Writing this topic is a challenge because I’m at risk of sounding like the Mike Myer’s movie, The Love Guru. Nor would I want to sound like Deepak Chopra (he writes good books by the way). So I will try to be the least corny as possible.

Of course, when I talk about love at the workplace I don’t mean romantic love. There are many different types of love and a quick Google search returned 73 Million and a hundred results, turning my eyes into large saucers. Most of the web sites define between 4 – 9 types of love. Seeing that I am a simple person, here’s the simple list: -

1. Security Love
2. Friendship Love
3. Romantic Love
4. Unconditional Love

• Better Leadership in the workplace
• Better Communications in the workplace
• Better Human Relations in the workplace
• Better Teamwork in the workplace

Imagine a workplace that is devoid of politics, where everybody works very well together in a fun, conducive environment. Impossible? Think again.

There are countless ways to gain and receive more friendship love in the workplace. I will cover only one, it is the easiest and quickest way to receive fast, noticeable results. We need to love ourselves more.

That’s right! We need to love ourselves more. No, not the “in front of the computer at night” type of self love, but the kind that improves our self esteem and assists our self worth. Look around you. Rare as it may be, there are people who are constantly angry, cynical and resentful at everything and everyone. There are also those that are happy, patient and understanding. Look closely into them and you will notice that there is one factor that separates the two groups, that is their love for themselves.

Angry, cynical, resentful people are angry, cynical and resentful towards themselves. Their negative reaction to the outside world is reflective of their negativity towards themselves. While happy people exude their happiness from inside themselves to the grateful public. There are three also simple ways to love ourselves more.

The first simple way is to change the language we use. There are whole books written about achieving better self talk (the conversation you have with yourself) but I’ll just give you one method that has worked miracles for me. Use a rubber band. Yes, that’s right! Wear a rubber band around your wrist, every time you think of any negative thought, take a good big snap of the band. This is called aversion therapy. Every time you think of a negative thought, you snap yourself and soon enough, your subconscious mind will equate bad thought = pain. The first week I tried this, I snapped myself countless of times every hour. By the end of the month, the frequency has dropped to once a day. I felt happier, I was more productive and my friends could see a positive difference in my demeanour. Try it and have your staff try it.

The second simple way is to stop believing everything you think. You can give situation to two different people and you can get two very separate thinking patterns. Nothing illustrates this more than the story of Victor Frankl.

Victor Frankl is a survivor from the German concentration camps of world war two, he wrote a book called A Man’s Search for Meaning. In this book, he points at the fact that he survived because he had a different thinking pattern than most of his fellow prisoners, he was positive and looked into the future while his prison mates was negative and only looked at the past. The way we think today is shaped by our experiences and conditioning of the past. It is not possible to always be right and this goes for the way we think as well. If we start thinking bad about someone, if we start judging someone or if we start scorning someone, remember that it is only your opinion, and you may be wrong. Go back to the first simple way and give yourself a snap on the wrist. Do the same if you start doubting yourself, or looking at yourself with self pity, chances are you are wrong.

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
- Mark Twain

The third simple way is to treat yourself right, look after your appearance, eat the right foods and exercise regularly. I’m sure a large proportion of people reading this article will be rolling their eyes by now but this is easily the most important of the three simple ways. If we have a diseased body, we will have a diseased mind and vice versa. Since I speak in front of the public a lot, I notice a difference if I don’t exercise for a few weeks. My energy level goes down, my confidence takes a dip and I generally become more irritable and less accommodating. So treat yourself right, mix pleasure and work and do your body a favour and lay off the cokes and nasi lemaks.

Do this for yourself first, then inspire your colleagues to do the same. Your training expense will do down because there will be less of a need for superficial stimulation. Happy loving!

• How to Win Friends and Influence People – Dale Carnegie
• What to Say When We Talk To Ourselves – Shad Helmstetter

Written by Edmond Yap Education Republic www.edurepublic.com

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Edmond is a qualified civil engineer who has been working in the engineering field for 5 years.  Switching career in motivational speaking and training, he was the performance consultant at the Malaysian chapter of Dale Carnegie Training. His love of motivating and inspiring people prompted him to starting up Education Republic with a few others. 

He can be reached at edmond@edurepublic.com