Ina Teves, Organizational Development Consultant

Ina Teves is an organizational development consultant with a change management firm dedicated to making a difference wherever it goes by journeying with the client through the entire process of organizational transformation. Email your questions to ina.b.teves@gmail.com.

How do I handle this subordinate that bypasses me and is having an extra-marital affair with a colleague?

Hi Ms. Ina,

I am a Creative Dept. Head and bothered by this situation: my staff is involved with our MIS officer who is married and has three kids.

They've been going out on dates and progressed into a more committed relationship. As time passed by, work would be affected each time they had their bad days to the extent that verbally you could hear how they fought over the intercom. Then the following day the guy would not report for work and be gone for a month because of their misunderstanding.

Oftentimes favors on the use of the system and Internet are given to my staff by the MIS officer without my knowledge. The relationship continued until one day my staff got pregnant and gave birth.

My question is: why our Management and our Human Resources Department are not doing anything about it. They have been aware of the situation obviously but still are doing nothing. Many times the guy's wife and mother would call the attention of the company by talking to the owner and the HR manager. I talked to my staff many times about their situation and gave her advice as well, still they continued the relationship.

Now that the baby has turned 8 months old, another bad news has come up: my staff is 3 months pregnant again with the same guy, our MIS officer. Would it be okay if I let the HR know that my staff is pregnant again?

As I observed, the management can't decide on this matter simply because our MIS officer built the system here and they have nobody to turn to when problems arise with our computer system. But is that reason enough? In the same way, my staff is involved with a successful project that still runs until now, and she has great skills in handling it--- but again, is that reason enough?

One more thing: due to the success of the project that my staff is handling, she's having an attitude problem and becoming an airhead [sic]. Many times our boss would go directly to her and I think this made her arrogant. But the fact still remains that she turns to me every time there's a need for decisions and approvals. I've been bypassed so many times and I think she loves it; I talked to her regarding this but she still continues with it, what should I do?

Hope you can give me professional advice on this as you always do. Thanks and best regards.

Confused Boss

Dear Confused Boss,

This is a situation that should be handled with sensitivity, but to do that, we have to clarify our roles and the responsibilities of those roles.  At the same time it is important to realize what other roles we do not need to play.  In your situation, you are her boss, not her parent.  As a boss, it is your job to see that the highest quality work gets done the fastest, cheapest, most ethical way possible.  To do that, you set and implement procedures.  You set standards and monitor performance.  No one gets preferential treatment.  Nothing personal, it’s just work.  When we look at it this way, our approach to the situation becomes clearer.  We look at deviations from the standard set by the office and whether those deviations should be considered acceptable practice for all.

First, what does your employee’s manual say about absences, about using office equipment for personal time, about conduct and decorum, about insubordination?  Write a memo to your staff, immediately after each transgression.  The letter should have the current date. Clearly specify the violation she committed and the consequences on the work and the work of your unit. It should require a written explanation from her within a specific time.  It should also include consequences for the lack of response. Have her receive it and sign it. Have her write down the time and date she received your memo.  If she does not want to receive it or sign it, send it to her house by courier or registered mail so that you will have evidence that she got your memo.  Copy furnish the HR and your immediate boss.

Second, go over your performance appraisal.  When is the lady due?  Evaluate her performance on time.  Attach to her performance appraisal all your memos.  Given all these memos, perhaps it would be fair not to give her a raise.

Third, meet with your boss.  Communicate the difficulty you are going through.  If absenteeism, using office equipment for personal time, conduct unbecoming, and insubordination are considered okay for one person, then it should be okay for the rest.  Is this what they are saying? 

Also, discuss your concern about being bypassed. In the end, you are accountable for results – unless they’re saying they’re holding your staff accountable for any agreements she enters into with them.  (It also says, something, however, about where you stand with “management.” You might want to see how you could improve your relationship with them).

Fourth, assert your right as an internal client of MIS.  MIS is an internal service provider and your department is their client, after all. Air your concerns to your boss and to the head of MIS about the impact on your department’s operations when the MIS officer goes on leave for long stretches of time. You could show how job requests are not being fulfilled, if you have evidence of such.  The important thing is to focus on the work and not on the sordid details of his affair with your staff. 

And fifth, perhaps it would also be prudent to see the MIS officer’s superior discreetly and see if he too is bothered by his staff’s behavior.  Do not give feedback directly to the MIS officer concerned, as his superior might take offense at being bypassed.  An ally in the right place could help you once you address management over his concern.  On the other hand, if the MIS officer’s superior is subtly supportive, tolerant, or indifferent about how his subordinate’s affair is affecting work and morale in the office, then at least you are forewarned about the uphill battle you might have to fight.